So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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