I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
