You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
