Say something about gay babies.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
