she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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