Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
