He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize