Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
