go do what you do best...puke behind churches
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
