return my video game
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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