just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
