what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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