YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
