soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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