Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
