I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
