bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
