I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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