I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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