They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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