Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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