How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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