you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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