Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think your dad took our porno
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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