She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
