How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
