Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
