I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
