if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
