my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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