She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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