he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize