eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
