i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
