watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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