he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
