i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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