OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
