She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
