Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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