He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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