a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
