At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
