Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
