who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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