CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
