Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
