he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
