I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize