The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
