I love black thongs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
