i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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