Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
