Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
