Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
