my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
