Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
