If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
