my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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