hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
