you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
