I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
