If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
