12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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