I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
