i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
