Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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