I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
