I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
