U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
