guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
