i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
