Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
